I Lied, Spiders Died

I recently had the chance to spend a little time at the ol' homestead. While there, I stayed in my old room. Being there brought back many fond memories as well as some not-so-fond memories - including one that features a flaming spider.

Growing up, my sister and I shared a room. She was six years younger than me and it was her job to kill any spiders who made the mistake of venturing into our room. She generally did a good job - until one fateful night.

Apparently, the spiders were aware of our quest to keep our room a spider-free zone and decided to challenge our resolve. So they sent a champion to confront us. There in the window sill he sat. Large, black, hairy and terrifying. And my sister quailed in terror. She REFUSED to meet the challenge! So in desperation, I grasped for any means of defense. On the dresser sat a can of spray glue which seemed to be the perfect solution. Shortly, that eight-legged menace was covered in a thick layer of glue.

However, the spider council had chosen their champion well and he seemed undaunted by this handicap. My sister was still unable to attempt killing the spider on her own so we searched for another weapon. We finally decided on a can of hairspray and a lighter. Foolish perhaps, but in grip of panic, we decided that this was our best chance.

I had assumed that the fire would instantly kill this menace so you can imagine my suprise and fascinated horror as he suddenly regained his full speed and began running about the window sill. It was at this point we realized, that in the interest of the greater good - namely not burning down the house - we had to finish the creature off for good.

So you see, I did nearly burn down my house in the attempt to kill a spider. I hope that you will forgive me for not recalling this earlier. It is amazing what the mind will do to protect you from traumatic experiences!